Something Beginning with P

So there you go – your basic alien monster movie.

You’ve got your dodgily-imagined alien planet with not very convincing unities of time and place, shot on location in some inhospitable corner of the globe in a bid to offer some naturalistic weirdness.  You’ve got your conveniently breathable air.  Your stock characters, your fairly predictable narrative arcs, your human victims in rapidly  dwindling supply.  You’ve got your monsters, cheaply done and looking like it, trading on a template already decades old.  You’ve got a bit of cod-philosophising thrown in, some side commentary on god and faith, a bit of standard-issue sexual tension.  You’ve got  your violent struggle, your poignant loss, a pleasingly conflagrative conclusion and a quietly emotive coda.

And you know what?

Somehow, it all holds together – you’re gripped despite yourself, swept along, enthralled.  It works (well, at least it did for me).

I’m talking, of course, about Pitch Black.

Oh, you thought I meant Prometheus?  Oh, fuck, no!  Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, okay it’s true Prometheus does feature monster effects that look like they cost about 50p to make and came courtesy of the reject pile from Fraggle Rock.  It’s true that the planetary vistas look like a widescreen version of some shot-in-a-Welsh-quarry episode of Doctor Who or Blake’s Seven. (And, somehow – don’t ask me how, I’m just the consumer here – both monsters and planet manage to look less convincing than their 33 year old FX counterparts in the original Alien).  It’s true that the script is littered with painfully crude Christian agit-prop, a factor made even more gapingly obvious by the deleted scenes my DVD copy came with.  But these things, oddly enough, are not what makes Prometheus such a profoundly dispiriting experience to watch.  Or at least, it’s not just those things……

See, I wanted to be fair.  I wanted to be sure this wasn’t my inner Alien geek sulking because Prometheus didn’t live up to my fond teenage recollections of the original movie.  I wanted to be sure it wasn’t my atheism, profoundly irritated by the invocation of gaahhd in conversations between supposedly hard-nosed adult professionals.

So, I went back and watched Pitch Black again, and lo and behold, despite the dodgily imagined alien world and the derivative monsters, Pitch Black is a great little movie.  Sure, it’s not paradigm-shifting or iconic in the way Alien was (its monsters are borrowed more or less wholesale from Geiger stock, for one thing), but then few movies are.  But the stock characters in Pitch Black behave in a way that’s coherent throughout; the religious ones strike interesting dialogue sparks off Vin Diesel’s avowedly materialist protagonist (and the religion itself is a decently imagined future faith, rather than something cut and pasted from contemporary middle class, middle American bible class); the narrative spine of the movie is tight and strong.  You care about the characters, you care about the outcome, there ae some truly powerful moments (eg – did not know who he was fucking with!) and even a few small surprises thrown in.  From pretty much the outset, your emotions are firmly engaged.

My strongest emotion while I watched Prometheus was irritation.  Or, more accurately, a kind of weary exasperation that could only occasionally be bothered to flicker into genuine annoyance.  And close behind that came boredom.  I watched because I’d paid for the rental and out of some vague professional interest.  But if, for some reason of parenting or other family emergency, I’d had to switch off the playback at any point, I’m pretty sure I would never have bothered to go back and finish it.  For me, Prometheus had all the savour of some SyFy channel spin-off show, and all the emotional punch of a TV movie from the after-lunch slot.  Prometheus is…….bland.  Massively so.  Prometheus is Alien for the Hallmark channel.

Recall the icky-snake-gets-in-your-helmet-and-then-orally-rapes-you sequence?  Recall how far out and distant the shot was?  And how fast it was over?  Now compare that with John Hurt’s iconic death in Alien – close in, juddering camera, a tangle of thrashing limbs and agony, violent splatter of blood, and it just went on and on.  That shit was horrific and personal, and you felt it as if you were there.  Prometheus’s snake-in-the-helmet scene needed some of the same – so tight in you felt the claustrophobia, you felt as if you were in there with that guy and no way to even twist aside, let alone run.  Recall the big-tentacled-thing-grabs-engineer sequence?  Was it just me, or did it remind anyone else of one of the monsters from sixties TV show Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, or – let’s be charitable – maybe Space 1999 circa 1977.  Compare that with Veronica Cartwright’s superbly performed death in the original Alien – the tears, the weeping begging, the awful inevitability as that barbed tail slides out across the floor and up to gather her obscenely in, the sheer terror so suffocating that you were fucking relieved when the scene switched back to Ripley and the sound of Lambert’s death screams over the intercom.

See what I’m driving at here?

Did anyone notice that Prometheus was a fifteen certificate?  Did anyone else notice how little actual blood or actual horror there actually was?

Ah.

Okay, Richard – so look, with such vast acreage of Meh under your belt, why the long post?  Why get so hot under the collar after your professed boredom and mild irritation?

Well, boredom and weary exasperation were my feelings while I was watching the movie.

The anger came later.

Because it’s my feeling that this movie is something of a canary in a coal mine for the genre.  Not that it’s the first such, not that the floor of the genre cage isn’t littered with other stiff little feathered corpses, but still, this one feels kind of pivotal.  Once again, we’re seeing – having rammed down our throats rather like that snake in the helmet – a vision that assumes the audience for SF consists entirely of brain-dead teenagers and franchise geeks with the emotional range and imaginative capacity of a Skinner pigeon.  Keep the age certification down for christ’s sake, otherwise we lose our core audience.  Pander to the values of the antiquated middle class middle American cabal that is the MPAA (anyone seen This Movie Is Not Yet Rated) and we’ll keep our certification down.  Reference the genre canon, and we’ll get the fans on board.  Stick to superhero comic book story-telling – that’s all this sic-fi crowd can relate to, y’know.  Seriously – we’ll make a fucking pile of money.

If Prometheus had just been a seriously crap movie, I guess it would have been okay.  There’s a lot of it about, as Theodore Sturgeon will tell you.  But Prometheus is not just a seriously crap movie – it’s also a profoundly cynical exercise in franchise mining, and that sticks in my throat.  (As, to be honest, do the piss-poor monster effects – quite how you spend a hundred and thirty million dollars and end up with monsters less convincing than those in movies made decades earlier and costing a tenth as much, I’m not quite sure – maybe by the time you’ve paid for all the obscenely under-used, pissed-away acting and directing talent out of that one hundred and thirty million, there’s not a lot left for SFX.  Or maybe it all went on marketing.)  Prometheus set out to cold-bloodedly co-opt one of the finest genre movie IPs around, and milk it until it bled.  And they got away with it.  That’s what stings.  That’s what puts me on the verge of despair for the future of the genre on screen.

To paraphrase the Manic Street Preachers, if you tolerate Lost, then your genre crown jewels will be next.

And – you know what – I take back every disparaging thing I ever said about Avatar.  Compared to Prometheus, Avatar was a thing of beauty, a towering masterpiece of cinematic achievement – stunning special effects, a coherent narrative, an intelligent and even vaguely subversive thematic base.  Acting talent being deployed, used to good human effect.  Directorial talent stretching itself to the available limits.  And  – perhaps most important of all, something I didn’t actually see at the time, because it’s taken Prometheus to ram the point home – Avatar was quite clearly a passionate labour of love on the part of its makers.

I didn’t like it especially, but you can’t argue with that passion.  And you can’t overstate the worth that passion brings to art.

Nor the novocaine numbness that you get when it isn’t there.

 

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36 responses to “Something Beginning with P”

  1. Lewis

    I went and saw Prometheus at the IMAX and left very disappointed. Over the next couple of days when I spoke to friends about it they all seemed to love it and thought it was an awesome film!

    I had to point out to the them the massive plot holes. You wouldn’t land a planet and go running off into the unknown 5 mins after touch down. After seeing all these dead bodies you wouldn’t take your helmet off, what about unknown diseases ect. Lets not talk about the white worm scene and lets not mention the crew of ship being totally unaware of the massive alien life form in the med lab.

    I like how nobody asked her why she was covered in blood or noticed all the new staples she had acquired.

    P.S

    If Altered Carbon gets made into a film please do not let Ridley Scott anywhere near it! keep it 2D and try and get Michael Mann or Christopher Nolan to direct it.

    Thanks

  2. Simon Rolfe

    I felt there was one simple problem with Prometheus which made it emotionally uninvolving: nothing anyone did, at any point, felt like it was driven by need.

    In Alien, the reason you care so much is that no-one wants to be there, not even the alien itself it’s just doing what it has to, and so is everyone else.

    All good plots seem to be driven by this sense of necessity.

  3. Simon Rolfe

    Apologies for a hugely clumsy second paragraph. That should have read “In Alien, the reason you care so much is that no-one wants to be there, not even the alien itself. It’s just doing what it has to, and so is everyone else.”

  4. Jo Pearson

    The only part of Prometheus that I thought approached entertaining cinema was the alien impregnation sequence. Unfortunately that was very morally icky with rape and impregnation fetishes writ large:

    – Hey look teenagers, Noomi is barely clothed!
    – Look she’s been impregnated against her will!
    – Look how she’s vulnerable and terrified… because she has lady parts!

    As I was sat there in the cinema I could scarcely believe what I was watching. I remember looking around me to see if anyone else was having the same reaction.

    A good piece of cinema will use a moment of ultra-violence to make a deliberate and resonant statement. In Pan’s Labyrinth the scene where the Fascist caves in the peasant’s face in is shockingly brutal. In a matter of seconds del Toro reminds us that despite the sometimes laughably camp overtones of fascist thugs, their menace was only too real.

    Heck, violence in cinema can be effective whilst adopting the exact opposite tone. In Pulp Fiction the scene where the two hit-men accidentally blow out the backseat passenger’s brains is simultaneously one of the most hilarious and disturbing scenes around.

    The problem with the impregnation sequence in Prometheus is that the movie isn’t using it making any statement at all. It’s a singularly indulgent piece of screenwriting that has no bearing on the rest of the movie’s plot whatsoever.
    It panders directly to the worst aspects of male sexuality for the sake of it, without even a smidgen of self-awareness. For intents and purposes it’s torture porn. Heck you might even call it xenobiological sexual-assault porn.

  5. Chris

    Am I allowed to just stand up and do a slow clap after reading this? That was a rhetorical statement, BECAUSE I ALREADY AM.

  6. Richard

    Thanks for picking the two scenes in Alien that really got to me, that gave the movie an impact that most monster romps (Cloverfield, anyone?) omit. Thanks also for calling out the marching mediocrity of this crazy country. Well past time for another revolution, methinks.

  7. Leyton

    Also Alien ( in my humble opinion) has one of the best opening scenes ever, and not a single word is spoken and not a single emotion is present, yet for some unknown reason I absolutely love the sequence where the computer beeps and clicks into life it’s stuttering screen reflected back from a beat up helmet visor, while a nodding bird Just (for want over a better word) nods.

  8. John

    In other movie news…….

    Early reviews for the new Bond movie “Skyfall” are out and they are ecstatic. “Best in the series 50 year history” many critics are saying.

    “The Bond series Dark Knight moment” others say.

    Much less cartoony, much more grounded in real world concerns apparently. This new Bond has all the old tropes of the series but “rendered so freshly, you’d think you were seeing it for the first time”. High praise for a series this long in the tooth.

    “This Bond bleeds, he hurts and he just might suffer from unresolved mommy issues dredged up when he sees M thrust into a position of extreme jeopardy” says Variety.

    The Mommy thing sounds corny but could work well dramatically if handled correctly. And seeing as its stiff upper-lipped Brit Sam Mendes calling the shots I’m hoping it will be.

    Is anyone else excited about this? I always thought Bond had the potential to great if done right but they always kept screwing it up every time. Personally I think the Brosnan Bonds were so godawful that its amazing the series even survived them.

    It does have one mark against it though. I was happy to hear they had got Javier Bardem for the villain until I saw the trailer and was horrified by the ridiculous blonde dye-job they’ve given him. Why would you hire one of the world’s most menacing actors and then give him the hairstyle of a clown thereby dramatically cutting his menace factor?

    Big mistake there. Then again the recent Batman movies managed to get away with the equally major mistake of having Christian Bale do a voice-impression of an actual bat every time he spoke as Batman so hopefully if the film is good enough we will be able to overlook this error as well.

  9. Goldie

    Yeah, I felt pretty much the same. I wrote a review comparing it to the original Alien. A friend of mine said he felt like he’d just watched me walk up to Ridley Scott in a restaurant and slap him in the face. If you’re interested: http://goldenrationalism.wordpress.com/2012/06/09/review-prometheus/

  10. Fran

    Richard,
    another review of Prometheus that you may enjoy – sorry if I got it from you originally.

    http://digitaldigging.net/blog/prometheus-an-archaeological-perspective/

  11. Travis

    “a vision that assumes the audience for SF consists entirely of brain-dead teenagers and franchise geeks with the emotional range and imaginative capacity of a Skinner pigeon.”

    I don’t see any reason why that commentary on movie-making should be limited to the genre- movies over the las tfew years have sufferes a significant decline in creativity and story-telling. The bes tha can be said for the field right now (at least regarding mainstream Hollywood movies) is that they are getting REALLY good at the actual nuts and bolts making of the movie with integrated CGI. (part of this is simply better computers and therefore better CGI but not entirely, IMHO.

    By the way, Pitch Black does indeed rock. POerhaps becaus eitis large part character driven rather then just relying on the events and, even worse, setting?

    PS- Ireally don’t think you should take back all the bad things you said about AVATAR, it’s still crap, no matter how bad ‘that P film’ was.

  12. Travis

    … I knew I should have proofread before submitting… but was in a rush….I miss edit button

  13. Darren

    yeah what a travesty. Mind you the review Fran posted has cleared a few plot holes up for me. The fat baby squid that buggered the blue alien’s face and made the evil gnome makes perfect sense now.

  14. Phill

    Didn’t really break down the problem with Prom into anything specific but the fact that it totally failed to grip me in any way shape or form said it all. I waited the length of the film to feel the agitation or tension created in Alien, the exitement of Aliens with its change of pace or even the general irritation felt at the lack of continuity in Alien 3 (and killing Ripley was never going to win my favour anyway), but found the whole experience a simple waste of a couple of hours I could have spent doing something marginally productive. OK I didnt mention ressurection which already said that the cash cow was in the process of terminal milking for me, while still retaining an element of the original films and being generally watchable if not memorable. Pitch black wasnt a bad yarn and like the Main Man says, entertaining in its own way if not preciseley groundbreaking, but the sequel didn’t have the same rawness to it – they probably overcomplicated Riddick, who as a character was much happier just killing shit than trying to save the universe. Holywood generally needs its ass kicking; Resleeve someone with attitude in something custom combat modded and send him to the next awards ceremony with a tebbit knife. Job Done.

  15. John

    So does everyone know that they’ve made a new Riddick movie called “Riddick” which will be a much lower-budgeted return to the R-rated sensibilities of the first movie?

    Its already in the can so it should be out sometime next year. Hope its good. Vin Diesel is in serious need of a hit that isnt yet another Fast and Furious rehash.

  16. John

    Anyone got a fast internet connection?

    Wired Magazine reports that: “True Skin” Sci-fi short nails that Blade Runner vibe, apparently:

    http://vimeo.com/51138699

  17. damaia

    I saw this trailer online a few months ago, and I just had a hell of a time querying google trying to find it again. (I eventually had to work backwards to the trailer after remembering that Neal McDonough was in it and finding his filmography.) Anyway, I can’t decide if this looks stupid or awesome (then again, as with Pitch Black, the answer can be “yes” and the movie can still pass muster). Meet The Prototype:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1p0_R8ZLB0

  18. Jarrad

    Ah Pitch Black. I loved that film when I first saw it, and have loved it ever since. The sequels on the other hand…

    I don’t really blame Ridley Scott too much for this one. I like to look at it from the perspective of “You can only make a pile of shit smell so nice,” in as far as Scott could only direct the actors to the abyssmal script written by one of the jackoffs who wrote that terribly confusing, utterly ridiculous TV show Lost. I just wish Scott had of had the gumption to stand up to the studio about how shit it would be. That said… the way the movie industry is nowadays Scott was probably worried the studio would sack him and get someone else to direct it – and it would have been worse.

    The Alien Saga has just limped along since it got popular. It’s a pity really because there is a lot of potential in it, but with shit films like Prometheus, AvP 1 and 2, you really have to ask yourself should you bother to keep going with the films (going to see them that is).

    I hope…. hope this isn’t a trend in film making to come.

    I agree with you on Avatar. Terrible story/plot but so beautifully crafted.

  19. Matt W

    Thanks for the great review, Mr. Morgan. I suspected, based on my initial reaction to the movie, that I have perhaps become too fluent in the visual language and structure of movies. I notice things others might not, like ham-fisted exposition, too-obvious foreshadowing, and over-used tropes. This, perhaps, makes me more critical than I otherwise might be of movies that eschew subtlety or ignore things like consistent-characterization and plot-cohesion in favor of making a spectacular moving montage. (On the other hand it’s impossible to not compare Prometheus to Terrence Mallick’s The Tree of Life, which is undoubtedly a montage, and note that it’s certainly possible for a movie to have it all.) Your response to the film convinces me that the movie was actually just dreck.

    I also had the same irritation, followed by anger, particularly at the total lack of motivation for any character in the film and at the host of incomprehensible plot points. I still don’t understand 1) why David infected what’s-his-name, and why/how he thought that was supposed to work. I suppose this hints at an entire un-revealed subplot wherein Weyland corp already knew what they would find on this planet, but then why… no… that doesn’t work. 2) why the Engineer dude was decapitated in the door — what narrative explains that? It was running from some bio-weapons and decided to detour into a room full of more bio-weapons but the door chopped its head off? Why?how?what?oh, who cares. 3) Why is our DNA so similar to that of other apes? I mean even ID is not as stupid as the ‘science’ in this movie. 4) Why the medical creche was geared to only work on men. What was the point of that plot-point? A subtle comment on the state of modern medical science, wasted because of total lack of context? I mean this is a creche in Vinnick’s life-raft/quarters, and she is a woman. The surgery performed looked remarkably like a C-section, so I don’t understand what was gained for the plot. And are we supposed to believe that local anesthetics in 100 years will be so much inferior to the ones we have now? And the wound was sealed with staples (a current technique), yet she spends the next several hours running and climbing and rolling without tearing that wide open? 5) Why Ellie, an archaeologist, seemed to be so knowledgeable about biology, alien physiology, medical science, etc. Why was she directing the operation on the Engineer’s head? And most importantly, 6) Why didn’t they park the ship closer to the pyramid? I could go on, but why bother.

    My sense was that Prometheus tries for a grand vision, but ultimately feels like it inhabits only two places: the pyramid and the Prometheus. Alien, on the other hand, introduced us to a vast, lonely, and horrifyingly dangerous universe.

  20. John

    Tree of Life was a pretentious pile of shit. Terrence Malick is the ultimate naked emperor. I got it on dvd, watched half, found it mind-numbingly boring and incoherent so I switched it off and threw it out with the rubbish.

    Tree of Life was SHIT, SHIT, SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT and anyone who says different is an idiot who doesn’t know a good movie from a pile of shit.

  21. Joe

    Yeah, Prometheus was a huge disappointment – Ridley used to be a great director, the last few films tho have left me cold, characters not developed, plot full of holes that should have been sorted at script editing stage long before filming began. And now he’s talking about returning to the world of Blade Runner. Ten years ago I might have rejoiced at that news, now I think please Celluloid Gods, no, keep him the hell away from Blade Runner…

    Still for some enjoyable horror-fantasy fun in the cinema, couple of tips for you to watch for, saw both of these at the Edinburgh Film Fest this summer, both worth watching for when the get general release. Grabbers is pretty much your standard creature-feature SF-horror flick – rural location cut off from help, menaced by creatures no-one believes in until they are even bigger threat. Except it’s in Northern Ireland and fighting the aliens involves getting getting blootered in the pub and wallops to alien skulls with “shut yer fecking gob”. Think Father Ted meets aliens – it’s up there with the Nathan Fillion starring Slither as a proper, old school B movie that obviously loves the genre, posted review here http://www.woolamaloo.org.uk/?p=3618. Think it is to get UK release this winter.

    Other great flick from the Film Fest was Eddie the Sleepwalking Cannibal. I simply could not resist a film with a title like that and booked it simply on that name alone. Danish-Canadian production (not something you say too often), famous artist who has been blocked for some time goes to spend some time teaching in remote, rural Canadian art school, ends up babysitting grandson of the school’s old benefactor, the eponymous Eddie, who is mentally troubled after childhood trauma, he sometimes when upset sleepwalks and attacks animals, eating them raw. When his charge finds this out and someone is getting to him a plan forms that gets out of hand, meanwhile he finds his artistic inspiration suddenly returns… Huge fun, blacker than black horror comedy, review here http://www.woolamaloo.org.uk/?p=3630

  22. Matt W

    I’ll grant you that Tree of Life’s religious philosophizing is rubbish, but all of the elements of great film making are there (except, well, plot, but that’s sort of the point.) I hated Thin Red Line, thought New World was just OK, but genuinely admired Tree of Life. Maybe I’m just getting older

  23. Clint

    Did Richard ever write a review on Avatar? I’d love to read it. Actually, I’d kill to read it. To tell you the truth, I would travel to Alpha Centauri and destroy a native culture to read that shit.

    Point being, James Cameron’s need to shame Americans for their destruction of native cultures is somewhat embarrassing considering that the Canadians treated their own native populations just as shabbily. Even though they’re very nice people now.

  24. John

    RM’s Avatar review consisted of exactly 2 words: “Very Pretty”.

  25. Allen

    Yup I was disappointed too, followed the typical monster/horror movie plot skeleton(no pun intended)of stupidity. “What is the worst thing we can do….. YEAH, lets split up”, “there is nothing apparently left alive of what was once a huge advanced race…. YEAH! I’ll take my helmet off and touch everything.” etc etc.

    Add in a good mix of complete farce; I don’t care what sort of mission it is, peace, commercial or Mil there would be a nominated chain of command with someone in charge with the presence to enforce it and any ‘crew’ that is going to have to function autonomously in a remote, dangerous and probably hostile area would be screened to function together on the whole. I know (and enjoy) stories based on the maverick in the pack but this ‘crew’ looked like they were the first 19 to respond to a Wanted ad.

    The biggest puzzle for me is the five or six stars that formed the sign that started it all were not for there home world but for a WMD depot, bit like the US sending up satellites saying, ‘NORAD this way, Pentagon that way.’

    I felt that it was a set of components of the Alien story (which I have in my top five of movies) set in a new background poorly joined together to make money, one bad robot, evil corporation, barely dressed heroine with her hair stuck to her sweaty brow and the final scene in a life boat.

    Positives, at least I know who the big dude sitting in the command chair in the opening scene of Alien was.

    P.S. Dear Mr Scott, if you are going to do the same to Blade Runner 2, please don’t you will just prove all those people that went to see ET instead of BR the first time right.

  26. James Haight

    The events on screen in Prometheus made a lot more sense to me once I convinced myself that the hypersleep cabins on board the ship were faulty, and every human on board the ship was suffering from severe frontal and medial cortex damage – lost in a world consisting of a series of disconnected scene they can only react to with learned patterns and parroted lines.

    The android is obviously suffering from a programming glitch.

  27. Neal Asher

    Hi Richard, I wasn’t going to comment on Prometheus until I actually saw it. I saw it last night and now thoroughly agree with you. What a pile of turds.
    http://theskinner.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/prometheus.html

  28. Neal Asher

    ‘it’s a pisser being an SF writer’ Oh I don’t know – having tried plenty of the alternatives I’ll stick with it.

    The trouble with reviews, even apparently intelligent ones, is that they carry no more weight than the product of a previously trusted source i.e. Scott himself.

  29. cameron

    Thanks Richard,
    seems to me hollywood has just forgotten how to write a script! You should do it! I’d watch.

  30. Neal Asher

    Gotta love this ‘honest trailer of Prometheus': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBaKqOMGPWc&feature=g-vrec

  31. dickens

    While we’re on the topic of movies, when will Altered Carbon be coming out? I keep looking for news of it every few months.

  32. spoon

    Just to change the subject from the other movie beginning with P, I just wanted to wade in and agree about Pitch Black. I loved it… it was one of those great little movies that happens without any attention. A decent enough concept, the planet they’re on was great… loved the three different suns and their different spectrums, the aliens were… as good as they needed to be, the characters were all flawed, but with redeeming features, that made you give a toss about all of them, the actual props and non-CGI effects were all grungy and real.

    Despite myself, I do also enjoy Chronicles of Riddick and am looking forward to Riddick being released!

  33. Kyrus

    Oh no! The atheists are coming! Hide the bible hide the cross! Hide that little bobblehead Jesus grandma bought in Mexico! Ahh they kicked down my door! Please Mr. Mean Atheist! Think of the children!

  34. Woodgnome

    Late comment, cos I wasn’t going to bother watching Prometheus at all. But one of the kids got it on DVD and I had a couple of hours to kill, so…

    What a pile of shit!

    If for no other reason (and there are a LOT of other reasons!) than it got right on with my #1 pet peeve – you land, everything is dead and a lot of them don’t look like they went peacefully, so what do you do?

    You have an IQ higher than a ferret, since you obviously have been trusted with a (presumably?) ridiculously expensive and complicated starship. They don’t give those out free in cereal packets, I’d guess, even in the globalist Idiotocracy future we seem to be heading hell-for-leather towards. So you assess the situation, shrug, climb back in the ship and fuck the hell off back home. Right?

    “Sorry, Mr. Weyland, you can further your sociopathic dreams of galactic domination via freaky bio-weapons at someone else’s expense! I mean, you got all these androids, dude. You know the ones? Smarter, faster and harder to kill than us feeble humans. Why don’t you send, like, a ship crewed by those down there to retrieve whatever bit of evilness you want? It’s almost like you WANT a bunch of people to get gruesomely killed! Have you no basic human compassion? Oh…wait…the whole sociopath thing. I remember now!”

    Anyway, I won’t need a repeat viewing. Should have stuck to my original plan for the evening and continued vertical gardening the South-facing wall of the house.

  35. Brian Turner

    The thing that really got me about Prometheus is that I felt like I’d watched a really bad zombie film. That tried to do sci-fi. With a HUGE budget.

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